Lol

I'm changing my earrings.

Which for me it like, a major thing that takes about half an hour.
Unable to remove the stud from the top piercing though, and have no bar to replace the one in the top of my other ear. So just lobe piercings to change.

Which means 7. Though 2 of them are tunnels, and I have no other ones, so... only five then. Yay, I have manged to... half the number of piercings that need changing!

I like having metal stuck through my body. 's fun.

Sooo... stick a ring in the half way up ear one, stick a ring in the middle lobe and pop the ring through the tunnel... run outta earrings... ah, good ol' scissor earring for the top one. That I wear constantly, but... it's in a different hole today!

And two to change on the left ear. Hmm... a pink and a blue stud? Nu. Looks weird. Wow, found my old nose studs... uh, tiny stud and scissors again mebe. Yus.

It was totally necessary to make a blog of this. And I have been making a zoo on zoo tycoon for the past three hours. So, that kinda killed my sanity to the point of me making a blog about changing earrings. Yaaay.

Might sleep now.

Today...

has been rather interesting.

Well, actually today ended 5 minutes ago, but oh well.

My family came over, kinda of avoided them for the most part, I sat and sewed up a belt for a while, showered, made my self presentable and straightened my hair, all whilst EJ sat on my computer chair and played my very out of tune guitar.

Which was fun, as we just chatted and talked about fabulous things and generally had fun.

Then I went to a party, which I was slightly doubtful about, I doubted going, I doubted what I was wearing, I doubted what I looked like.

But it was actually really fun. I danced (good lord!) and sang and ran into people and got a lot of (no doubt bad) photo's taken of me. I got groped, I acted like a lesbian, I acted like a whore, I acted like a drunk, I took the piss out of myself and others, I flirted some what and it was all really, really good.

Even met a nice guy whilst avoiding the fella that scared me off guys.

Said fella still watched me across the room and tried to sit me on his lap. Luckily, I have fabulous friends to save me from him. XD

And now I'm tired and my feet hurt but I'm still mega happy because I went out and hung out wiht friends that I haven't really seen in a while due to staying at home a lot, and it was really fun.

Had almost forgotten how to smile, haha.

But yeah, bed time soon for me, I think. Maybe even now.


Toodles.

I never know what to put in the title bit

I've decided... I hate people that point out flaws in themselves, whine about it, but then don't do anything about it. Or shrug and say oh well, because they can't be fucked to sort it out.

I probably to that sometimes, but like, not all the time. I'd hope.

I know some people that do it all the time, 's kinda annoying.

Just... people who don't try or whatever. I dunno.


In the past few months things have changed as well. I'm not sure if it's me, or the people around me. But things have changed. They're more distant and I feel annoying when I try to do something about it, like that will make them more distant, ya know?

So instead there's just that time where you sit around feeling awkward. Then feel like a right bitch when you whip out a book or somethign just to try not to be awkward but feel like your'e excluding them even more but you can't just walk off, but there's nothing to say because it's not like they're trying either and when you make a comment or try to talk you get a short answer back, or something defensive as if you just insulted the person when really you don't think you have.

Yeah. I'm not sure if I have any friends anymore. Well, in my opinion.

I have no one that I can sit around with and chat about anything for ages with. Everyone just seems too awkward.

Actually, I think it is the other people that have changed. I mean, I've probably changed too, but I haven't gotten myself insanely obsessed with things that I probably imagined screw up the way I think and plant thoughts in my mind that, when thunk in said thing that you think about, make them even more screwy, and I wasn't the one that went off for two years and expected everythign to be the same when I got back but when it wasn't gave up after three weeks, and I wasn't the one who... I don't know what the fuck the others do anymore.

I don't know how I've changed though. But I probably have.

Like, no one wants to talk to me anymore, really. Don't know why. If any one could tell me why, that'd be cool.

Uhrm, no one wants to hang out with me. Probably realated to the fact that no one wants to talk to me. Because they all have better people, whether in real life or on the internet.

Humm, I'm probably just one of those subsitute friends, ya know? The one you use when there's no one better, and drift away when you fidn some one else.

For example, over the past months / year I have noticed things like... if I have a friend, online, they will talk to me sort of. That is, until the person they consider more of a friend comes online and what not. Then I am no longer needed to talk to.

I mean, you know, they've only known me for 5 years, this person they've known off the internet for 2 months is sooo much better.

Meh, I suppose I'll get over it. Or withdraw completely and not even try anymore, because, fuck it, they don't care so why should I waste my time?

On the positive side, it's the holidays soon. So I won't be in school or whatever attempting to be social. I can sit in my room and think sour thoughts about everyone and secretly hate them all or something like that.

Then maybe blog about how shit everything is and become a stereotypical teen.

Or I could go on long emotional trips to no where.

Or I could figure out why I get ill so often.

Or I could do work.

Or I could make more of an effort and try and get more friends. Because, ya know, I quite like having friends, and I quite like going places with them.

Oh wow the possibilities are endless.

Haha, I'm not even sure if I'm beign sarcastic any more.

But enough whining, I think I've killed enough time, insulted enough people if they ever read this.

That's the thing I find with blogs, you put out thoughts that are kinda insulting or whatever, but then you don't feel as bad, even if the people never read it, because it's not some private loathing anymore. And even if they do read it they're likely to never confront you about it.

Though saying that, maybe they now will bring it up and ask about it. Ah well.

Don't get me wrong, I do quite adore the people that I call my friends, even if they do not think the same of me, but no one's perfect. And even the people you like most can annoy the shit out of you eventually.

If any one chooses to comment (which would either be Em or Sketch, because, you know, no one else reads this shit) I wanna know why I'm so annoying. I won't get all up in your face about it and make excuses, I just want to know why I suck and what you hate about me.

It would be fascinating.

Yeah, this is getting too long.


Byesie bizzle

Urgh

Just. Fucking. Stop it.

Stop whining. Stop obsessing. Stop bitching.

JUST FUCKING TRY ALREADY!

I'm sick of your excuses, they're pathetic. Fuck that, they're not even proper excuses. They're not real. It's because you're lazy. Because it didn't work at first, you didn't get the attention you claimed you didn't want at first, you give up and go back to your old ways.

It's pissing me off.

I'm supposed to fucking like you, it's supposed to be programmed into me, but I can't. Every time it try to talk to you there's a niggling in the back of my mind reminding me of all the lies you've told, of all the stupid and pathetic things you've done.

I think I used to like you, some when, but now it's gone. Upped and left.

Maybe you wouldn't be so fat is you stopped eating all the crisps you do, the cake adn ice cream. Just fucking stop.

Maybe you wouldn't have so little friends if you actually tried. How do you think the rest of us get through the world? We fake it. All the time, no one's real, if we all saw who we really were than we'd hate each other. Imagine that, the entire human race, disgusted at what each other are, at what we've become. We're hideous so we hide it. Why don't you do the same? Suck it up and try to be fucking normal, I don't give a shit about what happened in the past, I know it's not helped who you are now, but you could at least try god damn it.

And maybe you wouldn't be so damn annoying if you stopped obsessing. Seriously. The only thing I can ever talk to you about is your latest obsession, I think it's a film right now. Just... there are other things in life for fucks sake. Other things to talk about, I don't like sitting there awkwardly as you go on and on about a certain person because that's the only thing you like.

It's just stupid.

You fucking fail.

I fucking fail.

You need to stop shouting, stop getting so pissy, stop getting so defensive, really, all we're doing is saying something, it doesn't mean anything and it's an innocent comment, there's no need to get so wound up about it.

Loose weight, if that's what you want, if you don't, don't. I don't care.

Try fitting in with society, I have to, no one knows what I'm thinking really. I could hate every person I know and no one would know. It's called pretending. Pretend you're in a play. A life long play in which you must be normal.

And stop obsessing! I don't care about Twilight. I read it, it was okay, it's not my favourite thing in the world. I don't have to have it on my mind constantly.





Yeah. You fail as a sister.

I fail even more.

I should try harder. But my patience has gone.

I'm a horrible person.

Huh...

Today just seems to be a day of blogging. Well, for the other two people I actually check the blogs of anyways... yes...

They're two rather nice people, whom may read this. May not, but, ya know, probably will.

I sholdn't even be doing this right now. I should be doing the English project that I have to present tomorrow and have had three weeks to do but haven't started it yet.
... I'll do it in my free tomorrow morning...

In the past week I've, once again, felt like a right bitch who leads people on. But hey-ho, he didn't seem to care. I hope. Ah well.

I really should actually... do something too. Rather than sit around, staring at a screen and waiting for somethign that really isn't that great to happen. Might write some more in the holidays, do some drawing, I haven't drawn anything in ages.

But knowing me I'll just be sat at my laptop, staring at the screan, waiting for someone else to entertain me rather than entertain myself.

Psht.

Oh, it's friday 13th tomorrow. Crazy. Me and Em'll probably end up slumped in my front room, maybe with a couple of other people, maybe not. But hey ho. Might just sit around and eat crap and not really care about it at the time, then worry about it a few days later when our skin comes up shit and we feel like crap for binging.

Em has more self control than me though, so I may be alone doing that...

Oooh, might get some nice ice cream...

Haha.

I should STFU now. Go to sleep because I can never get myself up in the morning. Oh woe is me.

Heh. Yeah, uhm...


So long and goodnight?

I feel...

replaced. erased. useless.
unable to hide anywhere.
everyone can see what i'm saying.
can't even hide on the internet.
now i feel like her. bitching on the net.
oh dear.


Everyone has someone better than me.

And now I feel selfish and self-absorbed just saying that.

But... still. It seems I'm only required from 9-4. Not even that.



if you think this is about you, it probably isn't.

Ahh

Day three of being snowed in.

That's actualyl a lie. Because I went out yesterday and the day before. But still.

Snow's kidna getting boring now. You look out the window and, oh, snow! Still. IT'S NOT LEAVING!!!

I may go crazy.
The white may blind me.
It's only a few cm's thick.
I'm over reacting.
I'm glad I don't live in Russia.
I'm bored.
I'm going.
Bye.