I never know what to put in the title bit

I've decided... I hate people that point out flaws in themselves, whine about it, but then don't do anything about it. Or shrug and say oh well, because they can't be fucked to sort it out.

I probably to that sometimes, but like, not all the time. I'd hope.

I know some people that do it all the time, 's kinda annoying.

Just... people who don't try or whatever. I dunno.


In the past few months things have changed as well. I'm not sure if it's me, or the people around me. But things have changed. They're more distant and I feel annoying when I try to do something about it, like that will make them more distant, ya know?

So instead there's just that time where you sit around feeling awkward. Then feel like a right bitch when you whip out a book or somethign just to try not to be awkward but feel like your'e excluding them even more but you can't just walk off, but there's nothing to say because it's not like they're trying either and when you make a comment or try to talk you get a short answer back, or something defensive as if you just insulted the person when really you don't think you have.

Yeah. I'm not sure if I have any friends anymore. Well, in my opinion.

I have no one that I can sit around with and chat about anything for ages with. Everyone just seems too awkward.

Actually, I think it is the other people that have changed. I mean, I've probably changed too, but I haven't gotten myself insanely obsessed with things that I probably imagined screw up the way I think and plant thoughts in my mind that, when thunk in said thing that you think about, make them even more screwy, and I wasn't the one that went off for two years and expected everythign to be the same when I got back but when it wasn't gave up after three weeks, and I wasn't the one who... I don't know what the fuck the others do anymore.

I don't know how I've changed though. But I probably have.

Like, no one wants to talk to me anymore, really. Don't know why. If any one could tell me why, that'd be cool.

Uhrm, no one wants to hang out with me. Probably realated to the fact that no one wants to talk to me. Because they all have better people, whether in real life or on the internet.

Humm, I'm probably just one of those subsitute friends, ya know? The one you use when there's no one better, and drift away when you fidn some one else.

For example, over the past months / year I have noticed things like... if I have a friend, online, they will talk to me sort of. That is, until the person they consider more of a friend comes online and what not. Then I am no longer needed to talk to.

I mean, you know, they've only known me for 5 years, this person they've known off the internet for 2 months is sooo much better.

Meh, I suppose I'll get over it. Or withdraw completely and not even try anymore, because, fuck it, they don't care so why should I waste my time?

On the positive side, it's the holidays soon. So I won't be in school or whatever attempting to be social. I can sit in my room and think sour thoughts about everyone and secretly hate them all or something like that.

Then maybe blog about how shit everything is and become a stereotypical teen.

Or I could go on long emotional trips to no where.

Or I could figure out why I get ill so often.

Or I could do work.

Or I could make more of an effort and try and get more friends. Because, ya know, I quite like having friends, and I quite like going places with them.

Oh wow the possibilities are endless.

Haha, I'm not even sure if I'm beign sarcastic any more.

But enough whining, I think I've killed enough time, insulted enough people if they ever read this.

That's the thing I find with blogs, you put out thoughts that are kinda insulting or whatever, but then you don't feel as bad, even if the people never read it, because it's not some private loathing anymore. And even if they do read it they're likely to never confront you about it.

Though saying that, maybe they now will bring it up and ask about it. Ah well.

Don't get me wrong, I do quite adore the people that I call my friends, even if they do not think the same of me, but no one's perfect. And even the people you like most can annoy the shit out of you eventually.

If any one chooses to comment (which would either be Em or Sketch, because, you know, no one else reads this shit) I wanna know why I'm so annoying. I won't get all up in your face about it and make excuses, I just want to know why I suck and what you hate about me.

It would be fascinating.

Yeah, this is getting too long.


Byesie bizzle