Humm.

Haven't done one of these in a while.
Heh.
Ah well. Not like anyone pays attention to them.

Haha, came here with the intention of writing something interesting, I now realise I have nothing interesting to say. Meh. I'm sure whoever's reading this, if anyone, will get over it.

If not, then I'm not sorry I wasted your time. So nyeah.

Might cover the few basic blog topics though.

What I've been up to lately? A whole lot of nothing. Doing things one who has recently turned 18 does. Like purchasing alcohol and getting tattoos. And getting behind on school work, though that's not really age defined.

What am I feeling? Meh, same as always, pretty much just roll with it and don't let too much bother me. Over analysing stuff is overrated anyway. And trying to explain how I feel in deep dark metaphors? Lol, fuck that, if I were feeling bummed out thinking about how to portray it poetically wold probably make me feel worse.

Uhm, what else do people talk about?

Loser things about myself I've recently noticed? I can talk for far too long about Mello. Haha. And... and... and... uhr. Am too in love with Lord of the Rings. LOTR tattoo soon though! Hell yeah!

I also wanna buy some throwing knives. Maybe in a few weeks / months when I've brought everyone christmas stuff and can afford it though, heh.

Now I can't think of anything more. So I'mma guess I shall say bye bye.

Bye bye!

i guess i'm trying to say i'm sorry, but it always turns out wrong

i'm not really. just happens to be the song on right now as i opened this.

and i've decided to abandon capital letters this blog. wahey.

me and apologising is weird anyway. i mean, i'll say sorry when something small, like, wow, i whacked you with my bag, sorry. but when it's something relatively big like, i dunno... trashing someones relationship? which i don't recall ever doing, yet can't think of a different example off the top of my head. anyways. if i do that, then the person doesn't talk to me, i kinda just... leave it a bit, then start talking to the person a bit again, joking around and shizz, never actually say sorry.

just noticed it. huh.

meh.

i'll get over it, they can stay pissed off if they want, i usually mean well. i think. never really sure actually. :D

it's awesome.

sometimes a bit weird, what with the whole 'everyone seems to care but me' thing, but psht to that. quite content.

wow, just ate tea. weirdly early actually. plain spaghetti with grated cheese. awesome.

trying to shift my eating patterns back to normal. have been eating way too much, haha. it's like the summer holidays backed my eating habits into a dark alley and fucked them raw. it's not been good. or pretty.

but hey ho, i'll get over it.

oh yeah, blah, being forced to go to study sessions sucks. i'm more likely to not study now i've been told to. spent the time reading mattxmello fanfiction. it's soooo gooooood.

have i ever mentioned how much i love mello? coz seriously. i do. he's awesome. really, really awesome. and i get the feeling that the people who'll read this already know. :tehe: oh well.

huuuurm. all i can really think of to say. work's still boring, but bearable. school's school. friends are good. other people stay away. family's mediocre.

yup. it's all pretty okay.

so yah.

bidibibi.

Sudden realisations with easy answers are the best.

I'm hungry.


I shall go eat something.

Well gee...

my mood took a turn for the worst.

know when you're in a pissy mood, but aren't quite sure why? yeah, that's where i am, ohai. well, i might know why, but it's such a ridiculous excuse that i can't be bothered to even linger on it.

i'm tired, but no matter how much i sleep, i don't feel any more awake. so i'll just stay up until i physically can't keep my eyes open, then sleep until i wake up, and spend the time in between online.

joy.

i don't wanna leave my house either. i have to for work, and i should do to go out when my nan goes to that fucking cottage thing. but i don't want to go out apart from that. not when susie comes down, not when it's lotties birthday, not unless i have to.

psht.

being anti social is amusing.

well, quite lonely really, but still.

yesterday boredom and lack of people to talk to led me to starting up a conversation with Antony. as in "i dunno what no means so i'll push you into a corner and try to kiss you anyway" Antony. now he won't stfu. not the best idea i've ever had, i must say.

blah.

Ooooh

Not done one of these in a while.
How shall I phrase it today? Metaphorical and mysterious, or fabulous analogies which are then explained in great detail...

Eh, fuck it, we'll see how it goes. Happy mood today. Head feels lighter due to hair cut. Whoever knew that just having layers put back in could make your head feel so light?!

Uhrrrr... I think I need more coke.
So have no become reliant on the stuff.
STFU.

Wow, now I'm getting defensive to a blog.
Hungry too.
Alas, I haven't trained my laptop to go make me sandwiches yet.
Then I'd have to leave my room even less. ^_^

If I lived in the Beast's castle, from Beauty and the Beast, before the spell was broken... it's be AWESOME.

Been watching a lot of Disney films lately. Fascinated with how the clothes are drawn and all, I like how they're designed and hang and what not, it's really pretty, wish I knew how to draw things like that.


Wow. Okay. I may, or I may have not, just fallen asleep for 2 hours. Lol. Through my off completely.

Rightieho. I want chocolate.
Omfg. First Coke, now Chocolate, I'll be getting addicted to COCAINE next.
Or not.

If someone came up to me all like O_O "wanna try some coooocaaaiiiiine" (because that's totally how they do it) I'd probably be all "Lol, no." and skip off to buy chocolate and starburst somewhere. Maybe Tescos.

It would be exciting.


Huh, apparently the more I type the less sense I make. Sweet.

OMFG and some insufferable year seven who discovered my chemical romance a mere month ago is now trying to act like she knows more about the damn band than I do, how endearing, and has decided that becuase we have vaguely similar tastes, she must inflict her annoying and over dramatic self at me. "I don't tell anyone I like MCR because then they would all hate me and I just sent my maths teacher a facebook message and he hasn't replied yet and I like that you talk to me becuase no one else does."
I wonder why.
And that quote probably came with considerably more internet abbreviations. That take me about half an hour to decode.
I may be of, or near, the generation brought up on technology, but I still quite like having a firm grasp on grammar and spelling, KTHXBAI.
Lol.
Sorry, laugh out loud.

Dude. I'm lonely.

Everyone's off other places. And being a socialrecluse apparently doesn't help bring people in.

Might be quite nice to have a *cue dramatic music* boyfriend. Without the really gross physical side. *shudders*
Or just a boy -SPACE- friend. Who's reasonably attractive. And nice to talk to.
Yeah.
Or a japanese girl.
But where I'm going to find an adorable Japanese lesbian / bi who likes talking it beyond me.


I'll stick to obsessing over anime characters then. (y)

Bored of typing now. And never did go get food.


BYE INTERNETTY.
LOVE YOU.
HUGS AND KISSES TO YOUR WIRELESSNESS THAT'S BEEN HOLDING OUT RATHER WELL LATELY.

I HOPE I DIDN'T JINX THAT.

BUHLOOOG

BLOG BLOG BLOGGG

Blog blog blog.

Yesss.


I think I may have gone insane playing this really weird game online. How ever it is not as bad as when I spent nearly all night playing like, 50 games of solitaire and only winning 3. No. Not that bad. Yet.

*dramatic music*

Haha. I've lost my mind. Oh well. 's probably in the mess I call a room.

Though I don't see what's wrong with floordrobes.

NOTHING. That is what.

Wow. I must now... RP cleaning puke. HOW EXCITING.

It's like... only 11... a lot of people have gone to bed. It's weird.


DOWNLOAD IS ONLY NEXT WEEEEEEEK.


I like blogs. I can freak out to myself and what not, and only a couple of people may read it. Lol.
This makes me happah.

Which is like happy. But retarded. :D

This game is boring me now... like... 62 little puzzle things I have done. >.<


Yeeaaah.

Lol

I'm changing my earrings.

Which for me it like, a major thing that takes about half an hour.
Unable to remove the stud from the top piercing though, and have no bar to replace the one in the top of my other ear. So just lobe piercings to change.

Which means 7. Though 2 of them are tunnels, and I have no other ones, so... only five then. Yay, I have manged to... half the number of piercings that need changing!

I like having metal stuck through my body. 's fun.

Sooo... stick a ring in the half way up ear one, stick a ring in the middle lobe and pop the ring through the tunnel... run outta earrings... ah, good ol' scissor earring for the top one. That I wear constantly, but... it's in a different hole today!

And two to change on the left ear. Hmm... a pink and a blue stud? Nu. Looks weird. Wow, found my old nose studs... uh, tiny stud and scissors again mebe. Yus.

It was totally necessary to make a blog of this. And I have been making a zoo on zoo tycoon for the past three hours. So, that kinda killed my sanity to the point of me making a blog about changing earrings. Yaaay.

Might sleep now.

Today...

has been rather interesting.

Well, actually today ended 5 minutes ago, but oh well.

My family came over, kinda of avoided them for the most part, I sat and sewed up a belt for a while, showered, made my self presentable and straightened my hair, all whilst EJ sat on my computer chair and played my very out of tune guitar.

Which was fun, as we just chatted and talked about fabulous things and generally had fun.

Then I went to a party, which I was slightly doubtful about, I doubted going, I doubted what I was wearing, I doubted what I looked like.

But it was actually really fun. I danced (good lord!) and sang and ran into people and got a lot of (no doubt bad) photo's taken of me. I got groped, I acted like a lesbian, I acted like a whore, I acted like a drunk, I took the piss out of myself and others, I flirted some what and it was all really, really good.

Even met a nice guy whilst avoiding the fella that scared me off guys.

Said fella still watched me across the room and tried to sit me on his lap. Luckily, I have fabulous friends to save me from him. XD

And now I'm tired and my feet hurt but I'm still mega happy because I went out and hung out wiht friends that I haven't really seen in a while due to staying at home a lot, and it was really fun.

Had almost forgotten how to smile, haha.

But yeah, bed time soon for me, I think. Maybe even now.


Toodles.

I never know what to put in the title bit

I've decided... I hate people that point out flaws in themselves, whine about it, but then don't do anything about it. Or shrug and say oh well, because they can't be fucked to sort it out.

I probably to that sometimes, but like, not all the time. I'd hope.

I know some people that do it all the time, 's kinda annoying.

Just... people who don't try or whatever. I dunno.


In the past few months things have changed as well. I'm not sure if it's me, or the people around me. But things have changed. They're more distant and I feel annoying when I try to do something about it, like that will make them more distant, ya know?

So instead there's just that time where you sit around feeling awkward. Then feel like a right bitch when you whip out a book or somethign just to try not to be awkward but feel like your'e excluding them even more but you can't just walk off, but there's nothing to say because it's not like they're trying either and when you make a comment or try to talk you get a short answer back, or something defensive as if you just insulted the person when really you don't think you have.

Yeah. I'm not sure if I have any friends anymore. Well, in my opinion.

I have no one that I can sit around with and chat about anything for ages with. Everyone just seems too awkward.

Actually, I think it is the other people that have changed. I mean, I've probably changed too, but I haven't gotten myself insanely obsessed with things that I probably imagined screw up the way I think and plant thoughts in my mind that, when thunk in said thing that you think about, make them even more screwy, and I wasn't the one that went off for two years and expected everythign to be the same when I got back but when it wasn't gave up after three weeks, and I wasn't the one who... I don't know what the fuck the others do anymore.

I don't know how I've changed though. But I probably have.

Like, no one wants to talk to me anymore, really. Don't know why. If any one could tell me why, that'd be cool.

Uhrm, no one wants to hang out with me. Probably realated to the fact that no one wants to talk to me. Because they all have better people, whether in real life or on the internet.

Humm, I'm probably just one of those subsitute friends, ya know? The one you use when there's no one better, and drift away when you fidn some one else.

For example, over the past months / year I have noticed things like... if I have a friend, online, they will talk to me sort of. That is, until the person they consider more of a friend comes online and what not. Then I am no longer needed to talk to.

I mean, you know, they've only known me for 5 years, this person they've known off the internet for 2 months is sooo much better.

Meh, I suppose I'll get over it. Or withdraw completely and not even try anymore, because, fuck it, they don't care so why should I waste my time?

On the positive side, it's the holidays soon. So I won't be in school or whatever attempting to be social. I can sit in my room and think sour thoughts about everyone and secretly hate them all or something like that.

Then maybe blog about how shit everything is and become a stereotypical teen.

Or I could go on long emotional trips to no where.

Or I could figure out why I get ill so often.

Or I could do work.

Or I could make more of an effort and try and get more friends. Because, ya know, I quite like having friends, and I quite like going places with them.

Oh wow the possibilities are endless.

Haha, I'm not even sure if I'm beign sarcastic any more.

But enough whining, I think I've killed enough time, insulted enough people if they ever read this.

That's the thing I find with blogs, you put out thoughts that are kinda insulting or whatever, but then you don't feel as bad, even if the people never read it, because it's not some private loathing anymore. And even if they do read it they're likely to never confront you about it.

Though saying that, maybe they now will bring it up and ask about it. Ah well.

Don't get me wrong, I do quite adore the people that I call my friends, even if they do not think the same of me, but no one's perfect. And even the people you like most can annoy the shit out of you eventually.

If any one chooses to comment (which would either be Em or Sketch, because, you know, no one else reads this shit) I wanna know why I'm so annoying. I won't get all up in your face about it and make excuses, I just want to know why I suck and what you hate about me.

It would be fascinating.

Yeah, this is getting too long.


Byesie bizzle

Urgh

Just. Fucking. Stop it.

Stop whining. Stop obsessing. Stop bitching.

JUST FUCKING TRY ALREADY!

I'm sick of your excuses, they're pathetic. Fuck that, they're not even proper excuses. They're not real. It's because you're lazy. Because it didn't work at first, you didn't get the attention you claimed you didn't want at first, you give up and go back to your old ways.

It's pissing me off.

I'm supposed to fucking like you, it's supposed to be programmed into me, but I can't. Every time it try to talk to you there's a niggling in the back of my mind reminding me of all the lies you've told, of all the stupid and pathetic things you've done.

I think I used to like you, some when, but now it's gone. Upped and left.

Maybe you wouldn't be so fat is you stopped eating all the crisps you do, the cake adn ice cream. Just fucking stop.

Maybe you wouldn't have so little friends if you actually tried. How do you think the rest of us get through the world? We fake it. All the time, no one's real, if we all saw who we really were than we'd hate each other. Imagine that, the entire human race, disgusted at what each other are, at what we've become. We're hideous so we hide it. Why don't you do the same? Suck it up and try to be fucking normal, I don't give a shit about what happened in the past, I know it's not helped who you are now, but you could at least try god damn it.

And maybe you wouldn't be so damn annoying if you stopped obsessing. Seriously. The only thing I can ever talk to you about is your latest obsession, I think it's a film right now. Just... there are other things in life for fucks sake. Other things to talk about, I don't like sitting there awkwardly as you go on and on about a certain person because that's the only thing you like.

It's just stupid.

You fucking fail.

I fucking fail.

You need to stop shouting, stop getting so pissy, stop getting so defensive, really, all we're doing is saying something, it doesn't mean anything and it's an innocent comment, there's no need to get so wound up about it.

Loose weight, if that's what you want, if you don't, don't. I don't care.

Try fitting in with society, I have to, no one knows what I'm thinking really. I could hate every person I know and no one would know. It's called pretending. Pretend you're in a play. A life long play in which you must be normal.

And stop obsessing! I don't care about Twilight. I read it, it was okay, it's not my favourite thing in the world. I don't have to have it on my mind constantly.





Yeah. You fail as a sister.

I fail even more.

I should try harder. But my patience has gone.

I'm a horrible person.

Huh...

Today just seems to be a day of blogging. Well, for the other two people I actually check the blogs of anyways... yes...

They're two rather nice people, whom may read this. May not, but, ya know, probably will.

I sholdn't even be doing this right now. I should be doing the English project that I have to present tomorrow and have had three weeks to do but haven't started it yet.
... I'll do it in my free tomorrow morning...

In the past week I've, once again, felt like a right bitch who leads people on. But hey-ho, he didn't seem to care. I hope. Ah well.

I really should actually... do something too. Rather than sit around, staring at a screen and waiting for somethign that really isn't that great to happen. Might write some more in the holidays, do some drawing, I haven't drawn anything in ages.

But knowing me I'll just be sat at my laptop, staring at the screan, waiting for someone else to entertain me rather than entertain myself.

Psht.

Oh, it's friday 13th tomorrow. Crazy. Me and Em'll probably end up slumped in my front room, maybe with a couple of other people, maybe not. But hey ho. Might just sit around and eat crap and not really care about it at the time, then worry about it a few days later when our skin comes up shit and we feel like crap for binging.

Em has more self control than me though, so I may be alone doing that...

Oooh, might get some nice ice cream...

Haha.

I should STFU now. Go to sleep because I can never get myself up in the morning. Oh woe is me.

Heh. Yeah, uhm...


So long and goodnight?

I feel...

replaced. erased. useless.
unable to hide anywhere.
everyone can see what i'm saying.
can't even hide on the internet.
now i feel like her. bitching on the net.
oh dear.


Everyone has someone better than me.

And now I feel selfish and self-absorbed just saying that.

But... still. It seems I'm only required from 9-4. Not even that.



if you think this is about you, it probably isn't.

Ahh

Day three of being snowed in.

That's actualyl a lie. Because I went out yesterday and the day before. But still.

Snow's kidna getting boring now. You look out the window and, oh, snow! Still. IT'S NOT LEAVING!!!

I may go crazy.
The white may blind me.
It's only a few cm's thick.
I'm over reacting.
I'm glad I don't live in Russia.
I'm bored.
I'm going.
Bye.

: )

It's odd how much a few words on a little screen make you smile.

Huh

I'm unsure if I did it because I wanted to, or just to prove I could...



Oooh, being all cryptic there.

Because

all my best friends have better friends and all their better friends probably want me to fuck off.

I've finally figured out how to tell whether you'll speak to me properly online too, I look to see if she's online. Or he's online in her case. And him for him. Another her for her though...

Well... aren't I cool?

Shmush

Yeah.

Wow.

I could like... write about feelings. But... I don't want to. No one'll read this anyway.

Well, Sketch might... huh. Hi if she does.


Though that may be the exact reason I shoudl write about those fabulous things peopel feel and stuff. Because no one'll read it. So it'd be all hidden and no one would really know.

But, I still can't be bothered to write about feelings and stuff. Because... I have nothing interesting to write about. Except maybe "I feel cold".

And I can't be bothered to check if my radiator is on.


I must say, it's very easy to just talk to yourself. But that's probably just because I talk to myself a lot in my head, and right now I'm just typing down what my mind is saying.

I really should make more friends. I have, like, two.


And I'm really weird because I only consider someone a friend once I know for sure they consider me a friend. Because other wise I get all paranoid that they'll get pissed off that I think they're my friend. Because I am such a lameface. :D


And my fingers are still silver from that damn loft insulation packaging. That thing was nearly as big as me and I was lugging it around B&Q earlier. The guy at the till looked really weirded out when I dumped it down near him and almost fell over.

Yeah, I'm kinda getting bored of writing my thoughts now. My thoughts have to slow down when I type them. I can't type as fast as I think.


So, nothing more to say.


Oh, might lose my job though. Which sucks, because so many shops have closed down that everyone needs a job. So I won't be able to get another one. And my parents will probably be angry.
Meh.


Yeah, uh, bye?!